Hi Beautiful!

If you didn’t already know, I took a break from writing/blogging for almost a year. I felt like it was something I needed to do. The Lord has been placing it on my heart to write again & my husband has also been encouraging me, but I have been fighting it. It’s definitely a battle between my flesh &  spirit. But here I am, my flesh lost.

So why was it such a battle? Why did I take a break? Why am I back now? Well these are questions I plan on answering with this post.

I have always loved to write. Blogging helped me overcome some of my own personal struggles & has helped others as well. I always felt like God wanted me to write for a reason. I never cared how big of an audience I reached, I just wanted to do my Father’s business & if only one life was changed in the process, I was happy with that. I still am happy with that.

This time last year, I was writing on this blog & for Marriedandyoung.com (definitely check out that site. It is a great resource for those who are married, engaged, or single). I felt like God was really opening up doors for me that I wasn’t even looking for. I was newly married & was writing about things that I learned along the way, things that I felt would help others who are married, engaged, or single. I was really on fire for Christ. But that started to fizzle out for me. I started to get attacked heavily. It seemed like I would get attacked on the very issue that I had just blogged about as soon as it was published.

I was writing about how to be a good wife/spouse & I was failing at it. I was providing all this wisdom for people to apply, but I couldn’t apply it myself. I felt like a failure, so I quit. I gave in. I told everyone else, that my schedule had just gotten too busy to be able to blog regularly, but truth be told, I was afraid. I was tired of failing these tests & getting attacked by the enemy, so I threw in the towel. I did exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. I began to resent God. I didn’t understand why He would increase my territory, my audience, just so I could fail. I didn’t see why He would provide me with so much insight & wisdom but not allow me to apply it myself. I blamed God. I withdrew from Him because I felt like I failed Him.

At the time, I felt like I had no one to turn to or talk to, not even God. After all, I am blogging about being a great spouse & how to have a great marriage, but I felt like I was not living up to this perfect standard that I had created in my head or that people had created for me. I felt like a fake, a hypocrite. I didn’t feel worthy to write anymore. I felt ashamed & alone. So I stopped. I never gave it much thought. I never thought I would want to write again. I was okay with not writing again. But as I opened up to those around me, my walls began to fall. My shame began to disappear. My relationship with Christ began to grow again. I realized, it wasn’t Him. It was ME.

I allowed the enemy to win. I KNEW the attacks were going to come, but I did nothing to prepare. I gave in every time. I didn’t want to take responsibility, but I do now. God revealed to me that He has a purpose for everything I’ve gone through, even the things I brought upon myself. He reassured me that I am built for this. That He didn’t bring me this far to leave. He reminded me that I am more than a conqueror & that with Him all things are possible. I was reminded to lean on His strength instead of my own.

I still don’t feel qualified to write or give advice or provide godly wisdom & encouragement, but I am reminded that God qualifies those He calls. Ester wasn’t qualified. Ruth wasn’t qualified. But they both did a mighty work for the Lord. I know I can too & so can you.

Whatever that “thing” is that you feel God is calling you to do that you don’t feel quite adequate or ready to do, remember that on your own, you probably aren’t, but with Him you can accomplish & do anything that He has called you to do. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope.

Be encouraged 🙂

xoxo

Disa B.