Death to Superwoman

Let me start off by saying that perfection is an illusion, and there is no such thing as balance. Some seasons, you’ll neglect certain things and parts of your life, and that is ok.

For years, I believed I had to be everything to everyone. The strong Black woman. The wife who holds her husband down. The mother who never misses a beat. The daughter, the sister, the friend, the professional; all done with a smile, no cracks showing.

I wore the cape proudly. But the cape got heavy.

I told myself rest was a luxury I hadn’t earned. That pausing was a sign of weakness. That if I didn’t push through, somehow my family would fall apart. I thought strength meant never stopping.

But eventually, I stopped anyway, because I had no choice. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Everything in my life seemed perfect, but the weight of trying to be perfect and show up for everyone and everything, every time was crushing me.

The Myth I Inherited

Being a Black woman, you inherit stories. Stories of women who endured, who carried, who made a way out of no way. That legacy is powerful, but it can also be suffocating.

I thought strength meant silence. I thought motherhood meant martyrdom. I thought being a wife meant meeting every need before acknowledging my own.

The truth is, no one asked me to do that. Not my husband. Not my children. I put those expectations on myself.

The Superwoman Complex

Part of it was the Superwoman complex, that deep-rooted belief that I should be able to carry it all. That no matter how heavy life gets, I can handle it without breaking. That I can juggle every responsibility, every role, and never drop a ball.

But here’s the truth: I am not Superwoman.

I am not meant to carry everything. And even if I could, why should I? Carrying it all left me tired, anxious, and stretched so thin that there was no space left for me.

Letting go of the Superwoman complex has been an act of freedom. It has meant admitting that I am human, not a superhero. It has meant learning to ask for help. It has meant setting boundaries. And it has meant allowing myself to put some things down without guilt.

The Sofa That Saved Me

One of my favorite places in the world is my family room sofa. In the middle of the day, I’ll grab a blanket, curl up, and take a nap. For years, I would’ve felt guilty about that, like I was slacking off or wasting time.

Now, I love those naps.

I love that my children see me resting. I love that my daughter especially sees me prioritizing my body, my peace, my need for pause. Because I don’t want her to grow up thinking womanhood means constant exhaustion. I want her to know that she can be strong and still rest. That she can be a nurturer and still say, “I need time for me.”

It’s not just about what I’m teaching her, it’s also about what I’m unlearning for myself. Burnout is not a badge of honor. It is a sign that you need rest or that you need to delegate some things to other people.

The Real Me

I used to think my family needed Superwoman. The woman who could work all day, cook dinner, clean the house, do the homework, keep the smiles going, and never stop moving.

But my husband and my kids? They don’t need a superhero. They need me.

They need the me who laughs so hard my stomach hurts. The me who cries when I feel overwhelmed. The me who can admit, “I can’t do it all today.” The me who lets herself rest on the sofa in the middle of the afternoon, trusting that the world won’t collapse if I step away. The me that is present not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. The one who is truly enjoying each moment instead of thinking about and planning the next.

They don’t need my cape. They need my presence.

Death to Superwoman

So here I am, saying it plainly: death to Superwoman. I am not a myth. I am not an endless well of strength. I am not a machine. I am a woman. A wife. A mother. A daughter of God. And that is more than enough.

I am laying down the cape and choosing to live fully in my humanity with all its softness, all its imperfections, and all its beauty.

Superwoman is dead. Disa is reborn.
And for the first time in a long time, I feel alive and free.


❤️ Disa B.

God is More Than Able

Hey Dee,

When my mom called me at 9 a.m. on a Tuesday, I immediately knew something was wrong by the sound of her voice.

“Hey Ma, what’s up?”

Then I heard my brother’s voice on the line too. And in that moment, my heart dropped. I knew something terrible had happened.

See, my oldest brother’s girlfriend had suffered a brain aneurysm just a couple of days before, and I thought they were calling with an update—maybe one we’d been dreading. But nothing prepared me for the words that came next.

“Your dad had a heart attack last night,” my mom said.

Pause. It felt like time itself stopped.

“…but he’s okay. He’s alive.”

All the feeling left my body in that moment. MY DAD had a heart attack?! How? Why? He’s athletic. He runs 5Ks like it’s nothing. This was not on my bingo card. I felt heartbroken, worried, fearful, and in complete shock. I didn’t know if I should cry or scream, so I did what I do best—I jumped into action.

“Where are y’all? What hospital? I’m gonna pick up the dog so y’all don’t have to worry about it. I’ll be at the hospital soon.”

But before I go further, let me rewind.

This blog is months in the making. My husband encouraged me to start writing again, especially because since January, God had been placing the song “More Than Able” by Maverick City Music on my heart over and over again. Each time I listened, He revealed something new. I honestly thought I’d be writing about faith on a macro level—how even when elections don’t go our way or when the world feels chaotic, God is still faithful. He still moves. He still changes situations.

I had no idea those revelations were preparing me for this. For the hardest week of my life.

But in true God fashion, He was getting me ready for such a time as this.

My life verse is Romans 8:28, and God continues to show me—again and again—that He’s working for my good even when I don’t see it, even when I don’t understand. That week, those lyrics became my lifeline. They held me together when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

Let me walk you through the five moments God used this song to speak directly to me.

1. “You are more than able. Who am I to deny what the Lord can do?”

The first time I saw my dad in his ICU room, he didn’t look like himself. His skin was so dark. His eyes were dull. Machines beeped around him, tracking vitals I didn’t fully understand. The man I’ve always known as strong, vibrant, full of jokes and life, was now fragile and weak. I felt helpless—but not hopeless.

I looked at him and quietly whispered this line: “You are more than able. Who am I to deny what the Lord can do?”

Because who am I to say that healing can’t happen? That miracles don’t still show up?

I refused to give fear the final word.

2. “Can you imagine with all of the faith in the room, what the Lord can do?”

We had faith. I had crazy faith. But I’ll never forget the nurse who looked at me with cautious eyes and said, “Hope for the best… but prepare for the worst.” I appreciated her honesty, but my spirit rejected that. Not out of denial—but because I knew what faith could do.

In that room, with my brother beside me and friends and family praying all over the country, I felt the atmosphere shift.

I imagined what would happen if we all just truly believed.

Can you imagine… what the Lord can do?

3. “It’s gonna happen, just let the Waymaker through. He’s gonna move.”

There was a moment I’ll never forget. I had stepped out into the bathroom, locked the door, and let the floodgates open. I cried so hard I was afraid someone would hear me, so I silently screamed—releasing the weight of fear, grief, and exhaustion.

Then I wiped my tears, walked back into my dad’s room while he was asleep, and played this song softly from my phone. I laid my hands on his chest and prayed over his body. I prayed in English. I prayed in tongues. I spoke life. I asked the Waymaker to move.

And I’m telling you—I felt the darkness leave that room. I felt a release. I felt peace.

The next morning, the doctors said he was improving fast. He was being moved out of the ICU.

4. “Anything is possible.”

The craziest part? He had another heart attack during that first ICU night.

The doctors didn’t know how he was still alive, still stable, still thriving.

But I did.

Because anything is possible with God.

He defies statistics. He breaks through human understanding.

He steps in when the situation seems irreversible and He reverses it.

He’s not just a healer. He’s the God of resurrection.

And we saw it firsthand.

5. “You’re not done with me yet. There’s so much more to the story. Just let the Lord come through.”

My dad is here. He’s recovering. He’s living.

And I believe with my whole heart that God’s not done with him yet.

There is so much more to his story.

There’s more life.

More laughter.

More milestones.

More memories to make.

And this moment, as terrifying as it was, reminded me just how real and present God is. He was never absent. He was never not working. He was always near, always able, and always writing a story bigger than we could imagine.

So if you’re walking through something right now—whether it’s fear, uncertainty, or heartbreak—I want you to hear me when I say this:

God is more than able. And He’s not done with you yet.

Let the Lord come through.

Knowing God vs. Knowing Of God

It is so easy for us to think we know someone based on what we’ve heard about them or learned about them through the experience’s of others, but we don’t really know them. We haven’t gotten to know them one on one. We haven’t built a relationship with them. Our friends or relatives might have a relationship with someone and they may share with us bits and pieces of that relationship but we don’t have a relationship of our own with that person. For example, I went to a rather large high school. We had around 1,000 people per graduating class. I did not know everyone. I knew of a lot of people just like a lot of people knew of me. On my track team alone, I didn’t really know everyone and I was captain. For college, I went to a smaller school. I knew everyone on my track team. I had a relationship with them all rather big or small…I knew them. I know some better than others because I spent more time with them, but I can say I know them all.  

A person who doesn’t know me but knew of me and was asked about me might respond and say something like “Oh yea, I’ve heard about her. She ran track right. She dated so & so and went to HBU right?” They are just saying things that they have heard about me from other people, where as a person who truly knows me would say something like “Oh yea Disa. That’s my girl. We talk/hang out all the time. The Lord has truly worked in her life…etc” They can say these things with confidence because they KNOW me. 

I feel like growing up and just living life, we hear people say “God is good.” We hear them say “God can make a way out of no way, He is the beginning and the end, alpha and omega.” We hear them say, “Jesus is real. He is good. He is redeemer. He is savior” And then we just go on and repeat these things because that is what we have heard others say, but we haven’t experienced His goodness for ourselves. We don’t know Him as our redeemer, our healer, our savior. 

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Jesus wants you to know Him. He wants you to have a deep, intimate relationship with you. He wants you to experience Him for yourself. I can blog, tweet, Facebook, and Instagram about how good the Lord is but that won’t save you. When you encounter Jesus for yourself, you won’t leave the same. You won’t be the same. I remember my mom always talking about how good God is but I never really understood it until I experienced His goodness for myself. Until I got to know Him. Now I don’t just know of God, I actually KNOW Him! I have my own relationship with Him. Through Jesus, I know Him as my friend, my redeemer, my healer, my savior, my comforter. He is my way maker, my door opener (and closer). He is my Lord! 

ImageHow do we get to know God and build a relationship with Him:

  1. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior! “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your hear that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” – Romans 10:9. In order to begin to have a relationship with God, we have to be saved. The only way to get to The Father is Through Jesus.  “Jesus told Him: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” – John 14:6. Once you truly accept Him as Lord of your life, you will begin to see a change in yourself. You will begin to start looking more like Him. The process isn’t always going to be easy, and it will sometimes hurt, but it is all for your good and it will be well worth it.  
  2. Pray Often: Prayer is how we communicate with God. The Bible says to “Pray continually” in 1 Thessalonians. Praying doesn’t have to be so elaborate and complicated. Talk to God just like you would talk to a confidant here on earth. Tell him your hurts. Tell him how you feel. He wants to know the depths of your soul. Yes, He is all knowing so even if you don’t tell Him, He knows but He wants to know that you trust Him. He wants you to humble yourself and admit that you can’t do this thing called life without Him. He wants you to come to Him. He says “Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28)
  3. Read His Word: The Bible is God speaking to us. He gives us instruction and wisdom in His Word. It is living. It is relevant in today’s world. It shows His heart. It shows His plans. It shows Him. We can’t truly know God is we don’t know His word.The great thing about God is He is always there when we need him. He doesn’t ignore our text messages, he doesn’t forward our calls to voicemail. He is there in our time of need. He gives us thousands of promises in the Bible. But we must read it in order to know what they are. And the good thing about those promises and His word is that it never returns void (Isaiah 55:11). 

I pray that today you begin to know Christ for yourself and not through the experiences of others. I found God and began to really know Him at my lowest point. He saved me from depression, feelings of worthlessness, and so many other things. I know God as my healer because I have experienced it. I know Him as my redeemer because He redeemed me. I know Him as my savior because He died for me 2,000+ years ago and died on a cross for me so that I might have eternal life in heaven but also because there are times I could have died, times I shouldn’t have made it…yet He saved me! 

My prayer is that you begin to know God for yourself. Just like you spend time getting to know someone new, spend time with God. He wants to know the ins and outs of you. We will spend all day on the phone getting to know our newest crush but can’t spend 30 minutes with God. He wants a relationship with you. It will be the best relationship you have ever experienced. I can promise you that! 

Jesus loves you.

I love you.

xoxo Disa B.

The “S” Word…Yep Submission

Valentine’s Day is approaching, so I thought that I should write about a topic that can either make or break marriages. Submission. A lot of people, especially women, cringe at that word. Submission in marriage gets such a bad rep these days. I know some people abuse what submission is actually supposed to be, but in order to have a marriage God’s way, as women we must be willing to submit even if we feel our husbands aren’t doing their part. We tend to say “I’ll submit when he does xy&z”. Instead of doing that let’s focus on us and what we can do better. Allow your husband to see the God in you and allow God to work on him. A quiet, gentle spirit brings about change in your man way quicker than nagging ever could.

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Being a newlywed, I understand how hard it can be to submit to your husband. We have been taught to be independent and to speak our minds. Society says “It’s 2014…what do you mean I need to submit?” TV shows view submission as weakness. Everywhere you turn, you hear about how you don’t need to submit. But God’s Word remains the same no matter what people say, no matter how society changes, no matter what year it is. The Bible says that we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Reverence means “deep respect for someone or something.” So out of deep respect for Christ, we are supposed to submit to one another…that includes men submitting to their wives as well, but I will get to that later. Right now, I want to focus on women.

As women, we are called to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). What I have learned is, we can’t submit to our husbands if we have never submitted to God. When I was single, I studied submission and the roles of a wife in biblical terms so that I could be ready when that day comes that I am a wife. I remember God saying, “How can you submit to your husband when you don’t even submit to me or your earthly father?” I remember it hit me hard. I never liked for people to tell me what to do, how to dress, how to wear my hair, or anything like that. I would rebel. God told me that if you rebel while you’re single, you will rebel while you’re married.  I needed that kick in the butt. How often do we disregard authority because we don’t agree to the rules? How often do we roll our eyes at our parents when they tell us to do things we don’t like? Submission starts long before you are married (that is for all my single people reading this). If you are married and are having a tough time with submission, it is okay. It is never too late to start.

So what does submitting to Christ look like?

Submitting to Christ is obeying God’s word. It is including Him in every aspect of your life. It is listening to those nudges and convictions He gives you. Submitting to Christ means respecting Him. This is also what submitting to your husband should look like because out of deep respect for Christ, we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. Submission isn’t meant to degrade us as women. It isn’t meant to make us a slave to our man. Submission isn’t meant to be a bad thing. Humans can make it bad, but that is not God’s plan. Do not stand for abuse…EVER! That is not love. That is not what submission is. Period. If you are in an abusive situation, seek help. I promise that is not God’s plan for your life. You are worth so much more than that.

What submission comes down to is love and respect. Husbands need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands. When I see women disrespect their husbands and talk to them any kind of way, especially in public, my heart hurts. We all need affirmation but especially men. I see that man being emasculated each time his wife lays down the law. Allow your husband to lead you. That is his role as a man…as a husband. Can it be hard? Yes. But with God, ALL things are possible.

Ephesians 5-25This brings me to the men. The bible doesn’t only talk about women submitting. It says to submit to one another…so men have a role in submission too. Men submit to their wives by loving them like Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25). You are one with your wife. You wouldn’t disrespect yourself or beat yourself or demean yourself…so don’t do it to your wife. Love her. Cherish her. She is your crown. She is your treasure. The bible says in Proverbs “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” One translation says he who finds a wife finds a treasure. A treasure is precious. A treasure is to be handled with care. A treasure is your wife. She is your crown. Treat her as such. Don’t take your role as leader and abuse it. You should be your wife’s protector. She shouldn’t need protection from you.
I want to leave you with the The Message Translation of Ephesians 5:21-33. I hope it helps you. The Word is life changing if you let it change your life.

“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” 

I love you all!
xoxoxo

Disa Badillo

Wife After God Review/Recap

My number 1 goal for this year is to spend time with God everyday and to deepen my relationship with Him. I believe in doing so, I will then draw closer to my husband and be able to be the wife God has called me to be.

ImageI started this year off doing the Wife After God 30 day devotional. This devotional helped me understand how to be the wife God has called me to be. I already knew what he called me to do as a wife, but there were some areas where I struggled with the “how”. How do I be submissive even if I feel my way is better? How do I stay peaceful and patient when he is working my last nerve? How Lord? How?! I will be married for 2 months on February 14. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married. I love being a newlywed. We haven’t struggled with a lot of major things since becoming married, but I am a studier. I am a researcher. I want to be prepared when the storms do hit. I live in Houston and when its hurricane season, we are prepared. I feel that is how marriage should be handled. We don’t need to wait for the storm to get here to prepare…it’s often to late at that point. We must prepare in advance. I could write a whole nother blog about that and I might at some point, but this blog is about my Wife After God 30 day devotional journey.

Prior to getting married, Darien (my husband) and I took a marriage class. It was a class for engaged couples and married couples to make a good marriage/relationship great or a bad marriage/relationship good. I am happy we took the class prior to getting married instead of waiting 5 years when things are going horrible to take the class. That class showed us how to communicate. It showed us how to be on the same team and not be enemies. It showed us so many things that I think we will keep with us forever. While going through the Wife After God devotional, I noticed a lot of similarities between what I learned in our marriage class and what I was learning in the devotional. This devotional was such a great reminder.

Each day in the devotional, there are scriptures to read, a story relating to the scriptures and to marriage and a challenge. There were also journal questions to answer at the end of each day. I absolutely loved that it was interactive and that it allowed God to show me what I needed to work on. This devotional touched on real issues that marriages face daily. It talked about intimacy, and the parts of marriage, praying for your marriage, praying for your husband, praying for yourself, God’s purpose for marriage, and so much more. I would totally recommend this to those who are engaged, happily married, married, divorced, or separated. I promise it won’t disappoint. We often want to blame others for the wrongs that happen in our lives and we often want to blame our spouse for the wrong that has happened in our marriage. This devotional makes you look within and see what it is you can do to change and what you can do to make your marriage better.

While doing this devotional, the author (Jennifer Smith) and tons of other women were doing it at the same time. Jennifer, who is also the founder of UnveiledWife.com, setup a Facebook group for everyone who was interested in doing the devotional and would post questions and youtube videos explaining each devotional each day. The women in this group were so transparent. My heart broke for some marriages and my heart celebrated with other marriages when they triumphed and made breakthroughs in their marriage. I would definitely suggest doing this devotional with other women and discussing the content with them and hold each other accountable.

Now, my favorite part of the devotional was the last day. The final challenge is to write a love letter to your husband or if you aren’t married, to your future husband. Men need affirmation…we all do but men especially. We tend to tell them everything they do wrong and everything they need to work on, but we don’t tell them as often as we should how appreciated they are and how loved they are and how wonderful they are. In the letter, you can spill it all out and make it as creative as you want it to be, as romantic as you want it to be, as quirky as you want it to be….you get to make it your own. This is something I challenge everyone to do. If you are a man, write a letter to your wife or future wife. If you are a woman, write a letter to your husband or future husband. Valentine’s Day is coming up…I am sure that would be a great gift or addition to a gift for your significant other.

This devotional can be bought on Amazon as a paperback or you can purchase the Kindle version. I highly recommend it!

xoxo

Disa Badillo

Nothing Wrong With a Little Transparency

I am a firm believer in being transparent while on this Christian journey. People are often scared to speak about issues they are facing because they feel alone and like no one else is going through what they are going through because we try to come off all perfect. Well let me tell you, I am FAR from perfect. I fail daily. There are days where I let my emotions get the best of me. There are days where I look at the world and am tempted to go back to that lifestyle because it looks fun. There are days when I just want to be selfish and care about no one else but me. I promise that whatever issue you are facing, you are NOT alone. There is someone going through the same thing or something very similar.

The enemy wants us to be silent about our struggles and downfalls. Most of all, he wants us to be silent about our past. He wants us to be ashamed of our pasts and the things we have done. I am here to tell you that we do not need to be ashamed of the mistakes we’ve made Imagebecause God brought us out of them. He met us there. He redeemed us. He didn’t leave us nor forsake us. How amazing is that?! Revelations 12:11 states, “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” (NIV). The “him” this scripture is referring to is the devil. The reason he wants to be silent about our testimony is because he knows that if we speak about it, we have overcome. We are no longer bound by shame, guilt, and condemnation.

There is nothing wrong with a little transparency. It helps more than it hurts. I don’t even think it can hurt. Of course there will be some critics, but I have the utmost respect for people who are so open and honest about being delivered from homosexuality, prostitution, gang violence, etc. Don’t let the enemy steal you from your joy by keeping you in bondage. Be free. Overcome by the words of YOUR testimony!

So what about me? I am telling you all to be transparent, so I should be to. When I look back at my past, I see it so differently now than how I saw it while going through it. It’s crazy, I look back at old pics of me partying and appearing to be happy but I see a broken girl who was holding so much hurt and pain. I thank God for His saving grace. For healing me and making Imageme whole! I don’t ever wanna go back. I can’t and I won’t.

The other day, I was looking at photos where I was out in the club partying. I looked happy on the outside but I remember vividly that deep down I wasn’t happy at all on the inside. I had no joy, no peace. I was very much so led by my emotions. I would hit the club and drink heavily to try and escape reality, but when that party was over, when that buzz was gone, reality was there staring me in my face and I was broken. I didn’t realize it then (or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it), but I was completely broken. I had no joy and no peace. But God came in and rescued me. He freed me from all that hurt and pain.I had no place to go but to the cross…to the feet of Jesus and He carried that burden for me. He healed me and made me whole.The smile I have now is different from the smile I had then bc this smile is full of joy and peace. It’s not to cover up brokenness. Even when things are crumbling down around me, my joy remains bc it came from God and only He can take it away.

So why was I broken? During this time, a lot of things were falling apart in my personal life. I was in a relationship where I really cared about this person, but he really could have cared less about me. I tried to make the relationship appear great on social media, but in reality it was HELL. I was cheated on. I was abused. I used to fear for my life. I honestly felt that one day, I would be dead at his hands. I used to be ashamed to talk about being abused because I was always that strong girl. That girl who took nothing from nobody, but I found myself in a relationship where I was being choked, bullied, slammed on the ground, given concussions, etc. I honestly felt I didn’t deserve better. I would make excuses for my then boyfriend and would try to make us seem happy and like a great couple, but that was so far from the truth.

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At my lowest point, I had no where to go but to the feet of Jesus, and He showed me my worth. I talk about that more in my post Worth Far More than Rubies. Jesus met me just where I was. I was broken, had low self-worth, and felt undeserving. He redeemed me, restored me, and never left me. Even in my sin, he protected me. I am so grateful for God’s grace and mercy.

I used to find my value in having a man, especially that man, but now I know my value comes from God and God alone and nothing in this world can take it away.

I know I am not the only one who has been in an abusive relationship. I am here to tell you to break the silence. It is becoming more and more prevalent. Share your testimony, it might be just what a person needs to hear to end their situation. And if you are in an abusive relationship right now, I urge you to get out of it. You are worth so much more. You deserve to be treated like royalty. You are worth more than diamonds, pearls, rubies, and everything else. You are precious. This isn’t the best God has for you, I PROMISE!

I love you all!

xoxox Disa F.