Tag Archives: Christianity

When Perfection Becomes a Prison

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Lately, with the help of my amazing therapist, I’ve realized just how much perfectionism has taken hold of my life. I set impossibly high expectations for myself as a wife, mom, friend, and professional, and when I inevitably fall short, I feel defeated. Without meaning to, I’ve projected those same expectations onto the people around me, constantly moving the goalpost so that nothing ever feels “good enough.” That weight isn’t fair for them to carry, and it isn’t fair for me either.

Perfectionism may look like ambition on the outside, but in reality, it’s a prison. It robs us of joy in the present moment because we’re too busy measuring ourselves against an impossible standard. The truth is, perfection was never meant to be our burden to bear.

For me, those unrealistic expectations stem from fear. Fear of being disappointed and fear of being a disappointment. But chasing perfection has only left me feeling unworthy and exhausted. I’m tired of presenting perfection on the the outside but battling the weight of it all on the inside. I’ve finally reached the point where I’m ready to lay that burden down. And if you’re tired of carrying it too, keep reading.

God Never Asked Me to Be Perfect

The Bible reminds me that my striving for flawlessness isn’t what God desires. Matthew 11:28-30 says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Perfectionism is heavy. Jesus offers lightness. When I cling to perfection, I’m essentially telling God that His grace isn’t enough, that I still have to “earn” it by doing everything flawlessly. But His Word says otherwise.

High Expectations or Heavy Chains?

I’ve also realized how unfair it is when I hold others to my same impossible standards. Ephesians 4:2 gently reminds us:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Love doesn’t demand perfection; it extends patience, grace, and understanding. By expecting people to never disappoint me, I miss the beauty of grace-filled relationships.

Freedom in Grace

One verse that continues to encourage me is 2 Corinthians 12:9:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

That flips perfectionism on its head. My weaknesses, the very things I try to hide or fix, are actually opportunities for God’s strength to shine through me.

Learning to Rest

Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean lowering my standards or abandoning excellence. It means shifting from striving to please everyone to resting in God’s perfect love. My worth isn’t measured by how well I perform at work, how flawless I am as a wife, mom, daughter, or friend. My worth is found in Christ alone, and the work was already finished on the cross. I don’t have to prove I’m worthy. I just am.

I just am. Whew. That truth stops me in my tracks. I am worthy because I am His.

When I stumble, He steadies me. When I fall short, His grace covers me. And when I feel like I have to hold everything together, He gently reminds me: He already does.

Final Encouragement

If you’re battling perfectionism like I am, take this as a gentle reminder:

  • You don’t have to do everything right to be loved.
  • God’s grace is bigger than your mistakes.
  • The pressure to be “perfect” is not from Him, it’s from the world (and often, from ourselves).

Instead of chasing perfection, let’s pursue peace. Instead of impossible expectations, let’s embrace grace. And instead of striving endlessly, let’s rest in the truth that we are already enough because of Christ.

Love,

Disa B.

My Message to the Strong Friend

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To the “strong friend”: it is okay to admit that you’re not okay. That is a sign of strength.

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If you don’t read anything else on this post, I want you to know that admitting your struggle and your hurt does not equate to you being weak. Strength is saying, “you know what? I’m hurting. And it’s okay. I will make it.” We all need somebody. No one can get through this life alone. Thinking that we can is a lie from the enemy.

The Bible says in James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Healing comes through confessing our struggles to others. Healing comes once we face what we are going through head on and admit it.

Today, you may be feeling like living your life is no longer worth it. You may be feeling alone and lonely. Like no one understands. You may be feeling like you’re isolated on an island and thinking you’re the only person experiencing what you’re going through. Even in the midst of those feelings, you may still be encouraging your friends and family to get them through their stuff. You may be carrying the burdens of others and don’t think you can carry theirs and yours much longer. Release it today my friend. Cast all your cares on the Lord for He cares for you. His burden is easy and his yoke is light. Give it to Him!

You are worthy. You are loved. You are strong. And in your weakness, He (Jesus) is strong for you.

This time last year, I was struggling. See, I’m typically the strong friend. People come to me for advice and wisdom, and I give it with no hesitation. I can quote scripture and encourage people. That is a gift of mine. I love to do it. But when it was time to encourage myself, I couldn’t do it. I never understood how people could take their own lives until suicide was looking like my only option, and I attempted it…twice.

My family and friends tried to be there for me, but I retreated. I isolated myself because I didn’t want them to see how hurt I really was. So when they would call and text me, I would make it seem like I was doing okay. That I was making it. That the days we’re getting easier. But the exact opposite was true. I was drowning and depression was swallowing me up. I was at rock bottom. My faith in God diminished. I didn’t want to believe in Him any longer. I never understood how when tragedy happens, people blame God and turn from Him until it happened to me.

But you see, healing began to take place for me when I turned back to God and told Him that I was angry at Him and confessed my hurt, out loud. That was hard. Saying it out loud. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Jesus does. I tried to shut Him out. I ran from Him. I honestly lost all faith and trust in Him. But He never left me. For that, I‘m grateful. When I finally ran back to Him, healing began to take place. I began to have new strength. New perspective. Then, I got real and expressed it to a couple friends and my mom. See, as bad as I didn’t want to, I had to face it head on. Avoiding it…bottling it up on the inside was killing me slowly. But man there was so much freedom in confessing it. I didnt have to smile through it. I didnt have to pretend. I was free to live in my hurt for a moment. I was free to express my sadness and my anger and my disappointment. It felt good. It FEELS good. 10259733-3b68-4aad-bd08-0f6084bf18a2_637052fa-7ebd-4b72-9ddd-ab3655029929_2048x2048

I can’t say that I’ve made it. To be honest, each day I’m still making it. I’m still recovering. I still have to renew my mind. I still have to cast down thoughts. Tears still form. But I’m still here. And the pain isn’t how it once was.

So, to the strong friend, seek help. Seek wise counsel. Seek a safe place to be vulnerable. You will be so glad you did. Then a year later, you will be able to look back and see how you made it through your toughest time. That is strength. ❤️

Xoxo
Disa B.

Seasons of Life

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Happy New Year! I pray your 2014 is off to a fabulous start.

I wanted my first post of this new year to reflect my 2013 and what I’m expecting for 2014. Each year, there are 4 different seasons where the weather changes. We have summer, fall, winter, and spring. When the leaves begin to fall, we know fall is coming. When it begins to get darker earlier, we know winter is on the horizon. When the flowers begin to bloom, we smell spring blossoming. When the days are longer and the nights are shorter, we know summer is here.

ImageWell, just like there are earthly seasons, there are also spiritual seasons and seasons of life. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 talks about these seasons by stating, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

In life, we all go through different seasons. Some of them we wish would last longer than others and some we wish we never had to experience. Each season we go through provides us with wisdom and growth. Each season prepares us for the next season just like fall prepares us for winter and spring prepares us for summer. Its easy to want to about the process, but if we don’t go through the process, how can we expect to get to the promise?

In 2013, I experienced many seasons, some were great and I loved them. Some hurt and I couldn’t wait to be out of those seasons. What I’ve learned about life and God is to be content with where you are right now…not complacent but content. Being ungrateful and discontent and complaining every 5 seconds isn’t going to make it go away any faster…it might actually prolong the process. God knows where you need to be RIGHT NOW. He knows what you need to go through to get to the other side. The hardest season I faced in 2013 was my engaged season. I just wanted to be married already. I became envious of other people’s marriages. I wanted what they have. But I am not her and my husband isn’t him. If I kept comparing us to them, I would never be happy. I would never be satisfied because we aren’t them. If I focused on someone else’s marriage, I would miss the beauty of my own.

My husband and I took a marriage course prior to tying the knot and the class was amazing, but some aspects hurt. It forced me to look at me and make changes to me. God showed me where I fell short and He was chiseling away my selfish ways and desires. He showed me that if I didn’t go through this process my marriage would fail. That’s not easy and it doesn’t feel good. There were days I just wanted to quit. I just wanted to give up because I resisted the change. It didn’t feel good for God to point out my imperfections and chisel them away so I could look more like Christ. God kept telling me, “Don’t abort the process. Don’t abort the process. Look at how far you’ve come. I am your strength you can do this. Its raining right now but the sunshine and rainbows are on the horizon if you just don’t quit.”

ImageLet me tell you, I am so happy I didn’t quit. I am happy I didn’t abort the process. It was HARD! But it was WORTH IT! If I were to get married without God showing me my imperfections and changing me, we probably wouldn’t have made it very far…we probably wouldn’t have made it to the alter. Now, I have faith that we can and we will make it. And I am loving my newlywed season. Everyday isn’t sunshine because the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy my marriage, but now I am able to fight back. Now its not all about me. I am now apart of a team. If I would have aborted that process I went through during my engaged season, my selfish ways would run me. My emotions would control me. Now I can control them.

Its so easy to compare ourselves and our lives to others but as soon as we do that we begin to feel inadequate, jealous and discontent. Just because one thing worked for him/her/them doesn’t mean it will work for you. Everyone is called to do the same thing. Keep your eyes focused on Christ and on your portion and you will be content. Always strive for greater but be content with where you are now. How can God bless you any more if you aren’t grateful for what He’s given you thus far? No matter what season you’re in, there is purpose there. Don’t waste this season just because you’d rather be in a different season. God knows best. Trust Him. He loves you.

 

xoxo Disa Badillo