Tag Archives: Inspiration

My Message to the Strong Friend

Posted in Christian, Self Worth by

To the “strong friend”: it is okay to admit that you’re not okay. That is a sign of strength.

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If you don’t read anything else on this post, I want you to know that admitting your struggle and your hurt does not equate to you being weak. Strength is saying, “you know what? I’m hurting. And it’s okay. I will make it.” We all need somebody. No one can get through this life alone. Thinking that we can is a lie from the enemy.

The Bible says in James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Healing comes through confessing our struggles to others. Healing comes once we face what we are going through head on and admit it.

Today, you may be feeling like living your life is no longer worth it. You may be feeling alone and lonely. Like no one understands. You may be feeling like you’re isolated on an island and thinking you’re the only person experiencing what you’re going through. Even in the midst of those feelings, you may still be encouraging your friends and family to get them through their stuff. You may be carrying the burdens of others and don’t think you can carry theirs and yours much longer. Release it today my friend. Cast all your cares on the Lord for He cares for you. His burden is easy and his yoke is light. Give it to Him!

You are worthy. You are loved. You are strong. And in your weakness, He (Jesus) is strong for you.

This time last year, I was struggling. See, I’m typically the strong friend. People come to me for advice and wisdom, and I give it with no hesitation. I can quote scripture and encourage people. That is a gift of mine. I love to do it. But when it was time to encourage myself, I couldn’t do it. I never understood how people could take their own lives until suicide was looking like my only option, and I attempted it…twice.

My family and friends tried to be there for me, but I retreated. I isolated myself because I didn’t want them to see how hurt I really was. So when they would call and text me, I would make it seem like I was doing okay. That I was making it. That the days we’re getting easier. But the exact opposite was true. I was drowning and depression was swallowing me up. I was at rock bottom. My faith in God diminished. I didn’t want to believe in Him any longer. I never understood how when tragedy happens, people blame God and turn from Him until it happened to me.

But you see, healing began to take place for me when I turned back to God and told Him that I was angry at Him and confessed my hurt, out loud. That was hard. Saying it out loud. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Jesus does. I tried to shut Him out. I ran from Him. I honestly lost all faith and trust in Him. But He never left me. For that, I‘m grateful. When I finally ran back to Him, healing began to take place. I began to have new strength. New perspective. Then, I got real and expressed it to a couple friends and my mom. See, as bad as I didn’t want to, I had to face it head on. Avoiding it…bottling it up on the inside was killing me slowly. But man there was so much freedom in confessing it. I didnt have to smile through it. I didnt have to pretend. I was free to live in my hurt for a moment. I was free to express my sadness and my anger and my disappointment. It felt good. It FEELS good. 10259733-3b68-4aad-bd08-0f6084bf18a2_637052fa-7ebd-4b72-9ddd-ab3655029929_2048x2048

I can’t say that I’ve made it. To be honest, each day I’m still making it. I’m still recovering. I still have to renew my mind. I still have to cast down thoughts. Tears still form. But I’m still here. And the pain isn’t how it once was.

So, to the strong friend, seek help. Seek wise counsel. Seek a safe place to be vulnerable. You will be so glad you did. Then a year later, you will be able to look back and see how you made it through your toughest time. That is strength. ❤️

Xoxo
Disa B.

Top 3 Things I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Marriage

Posted in Christian, Dating, Marriage, Relationships by

Today is our 3 year anniversary! You can watch our wedding video here! Time truly flies when you’re having fun. We are 2 different people now than we were when we got married at 23 years old and have learned a lot along the way.

I thought it would be fitting to share with you all the top 3 things I’ve learned about marriage in my first 3 years of marriage.

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  1. He is FOR me, not AGAINST me! – This took a while for me to grasp because it is so easy to feel like your spouse is your enemy in times of disagreements and arguments. I would get so defensive and my feelings would get so hurt and I would just shut down because who wants to communicate with the “enemy”. My oh so patient husband would always tell me that his intentions aren’t ever to hurt me and that he is one with me so hurting me would be like hurting himself. I don’t know why I couldn’t grasp that at first. Maybe I didn’t believe a man could truly love me like that. Maybe it was due to the abuse I experienced in previous relationships. Maybe it was a combination of all these things (it was). But now when we have disagreements, I know its not the end of the world. I know he’s not going to leave me. I know that he is FOR me.
  2. Comparison can & will kill the joy of your own marriage! – Let me tell you that a sure way to kill the joy and happiness in your own marriage is to compare it to somebody else’s marriage. I would compare my husband and our marriage to these marriages that looked so perfect on social media that I was missing the beauty of what we were creating. I tried to make my husband be someone he wasn’t. That was not fair to him. It killed the joy I had for a season of our marriage because I just wanted our life to look like theirs. I didn’t know the struggles that those marriages may have been facing behind the scenes but on the surface, they looked PERFECT & that is what I wanted. Then God gently reminded me that the enemy comes to steal, kill & destroy and that the enemy was using social media marriages to steal, kill & destroy the joy I had for my own marriage. Now today, I am totally content with MY marriage. I love my portion. Other marriages are great, and I LOVE to see their happy moments and no part of me gets envious anymore (its ALL God).
  3. We are ONE, but we are NOT the SAME! – We went into marriage with a good foundation. We took marriage counseling, went to marriage conferences, and read marriage books, but for some reason, I felt like once we got married, our thought process would magically work the same (I mean we are one after all). Well let me tell you that this was not the case. For one, the process of becoming one is just that…a PROCESS. It doesn’t happen immediately at the altar. Its a pruning process and doesn’t always feel good. But it is so worth every moment of it. Secondly, even though we are one, we are 2 totally different people who grew up in 2 totally different ways and in 2 totally different cultures. How could I expect him to think the way I think? It was very unfair. I had to realize that there is more than one way to get to 4 (you can add 2+2 or 3+1, you can multiply, subtract, or divide) but as long as the end result is 4 then you are correct. Some ways may take longer than others but that is okay. I had to learn that we aren’t doomed because the way we work the equation is different. We aren’t doomed because we think a little differently on some things. It is okay.

If you are struggling in your marriage, I just want you to remember to not abort the process if you want to get to your promise. Marriage is work. It is dying to yourself daily. It is thinking of your spouse above yourself (even if he/she isn’t doing the same). Marriage is not for the faint heart. It is not for punks. Marriage is the ultimate commitment that works when grace is extended often, when offenses are forgiven quickly, and when love is given unconditionally. I am a better woman because of my husband, and he would tell you that he is a better man because of me.

xoxo

Disa B.

A Letter to the Lost Me

Posted in Christian, Relationships, Self Worth by

Dear Lost Me,

You are somebody. You have been hurt. You have been ridiculed. You have been mocked. You have been taken for granted. Your name has been drug through the mud, but you can overcome. You will overcome. Your worth isn’t in that man who says you think you’re too much. Truth is, you are too much. You are set at a price that he couldn’t afford so he would try to do anything to devalue u. You are worth far more than rubies, don’t let anyone tell you differently. You are worth more than that man who chokes you and makes you fear for your life. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You deserve so much more. You are beautiful. Why do you think you’re not? Sure you’ve been used and abused but that doesn’t define you. You are a queen. Your worth isn’t found in those girls you thought were your friends. I know you let them into your world and you trusted them. They prayed against what you were praying for. Don’t let them hinder your ability to be a friend. They were really a wolf in sheep’s clothing, pretending to care. That’s not you though…don’t let that experience turn you into that. You are kind, caring and compassionate. You don’t have to be a tough girl all the time. Sure you’ve been used and abused but that doesn’t define you. You made the grades, you had the scholarships…but you still feel empty because you placed your value and your worth in that. Those things are great but that doesn’t define you. The clubbing and the alcohol don’t define you. You use it to escape from reality but when the buzz wears off and you wake up the next day and you’re back in reality, you still feel empty and broken. This is not your solution…Jesus is.

One day you will realize just how valuable you are because you will realize Whose you are and THAT defines you. You are the daughter of The King. You are to die for…Jesus showed you that 2,000+ years ago. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your past isn’t your future. Your past, your pain, your tears, your experiences will become your testimony and it will touch the lives of those around you. It will save people and bring them to Christ the same way your pain brought you to the feet of Jesus. See there is purpose in your pain. You won’t be down always. I know you’re feeling depressed right now and alone but I promise you this…you are not alone. You may feel lonely but Jesus is there. He is there to pull you out of that gruesome pit of depression that’s trying to pull you in deeper. He is there. Reach out to Him. Let Him save you. Surrender it all. When you do, I promise you will feel better. You will be able to smile again…I mean truly smile. You will radiate from a joy that comes from within. ImageAnd one day, at the right time, God will bring you someone who knows your worth and is willing the pay the price for you. One day you will be a wife and he will show you what God’s love looks like in a man. The enemy will try to make you think that this is too good to be true, but remember God says nothing is too good for you. Remember you deserve to be treated like the queen you are. You are worth so much more than you could ever imagine and this man will show you that because God first showed him. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life…He will heal you. He will make you new. Let Him. Don’t abort the process before you get to your promise. It will be hard. But it will be worth it. And one day you will sit back and say…”God You are so faithful. You turned my misery into ministry. You turned my pain into joy. There were times I had given up on myself but You never did. Thank You Lord.”

xoxo

An Improved Me