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This video is such a great depiction of God’s grace towards us. As humans, it’s often hard for us to fathom how a perfect God can forgive us and show us grace and mercy when it’s so hard for us to show others that same grace and mercy. It’s such a great feeling to know that we serve a God who loves us unconditionally: a God who graces us when we make mistakes: A God who is with us always. We just have to love Him, trust Him, and walk with Him thru Christ Jesus.
I am a firm believer in being transparent while on this Christian journey. People are often scared to speak about issues they are facing because they feel alone and like no one else is going through what they are going through because we try to come off all perfect. Well let me tell you, I am FAR from perfect. I fail daily. There are days where I let my emotions get the best of me. There are days where I look at the world and am tempted to go back to that lifestyle because it looks fun. There are days when I just want to be selfish and care about no one else but me. I promise that whatever issue you are facing, you are NOT alone. There is someone going through the same thing or something very similar.
The enemy wants us to be silent about our struggles and downfalls. Most of all, he wants us to be silent about our past. He wants us to be ashamed of our pasts and the things we have done. I am here to tell you that we do not need to be ashamed of the mistakes we’ve made 
because God brought us out of them. He met us there. He redeemed us. He didn’t leave us nor forsake us. How amazing is that?! Revelations 12:11 states, “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” (NIV). The “him” this scripture is referring to is the devil. The reason he wants to be silent about our testimony is because he knows that if we speak about it, we have overcome. We are no longer bound by shame, guilt, and condemnation.
There is nothing wrong with a little transparency. It helps more than it hurts. I don’t even think it can hurt. Of course there will be some critics, but I have the utmost respect for people who are so open and honest about being delivered from homosexuality, prostitution, gang violence, etc. Don’t let the enemy steal you from your joy by keeping you in bondage. Be free. Overcome by the words of YOUR testimony!
So what about me? I am telling you all to be transparent, so I should be to. When I look back at my past, I see it so differently now than how I saw it while going through it. It’s crazy, I look back at old pics of me partying and appearing to be happy but I see a broken girl who was holding so much hurt and pain. I thank God for His saving grace. For healing me and making 
me whole! I don’t ever wanna go back. I can’t and I won’t.
The other day, I was looking at photos where I was out in the club partying. I looked happy on the outside but I remember vividly that deep down I wasn’t happy at all on the inside. I had no joy, no peace. I was very much so led by my emotions. I would hit the club and drink heavily to try and escape reality, but when that party was over, when that buzz was gone, reality was there staring me in my face and I was broken. I didn’t realize it then (or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it), but I was completely broken. I had no joy and no peace. But God came in and rescued me. He freed me from all that hurt and pain.I had no place to go but to the cross…to the feet of Jesus and He carried that burden for me. He healed me and made me whole.The smile I have now is different from the smile I had then bc this smile is full of joy and peace. It’s not to cover up brokenness. Even when things are crumbling down around me, my joy remains bc it came from God and only He can take it away.
So why was I broken? During this time, a lot of things were falling apart in my personal life. I was in a relationship where I really cared about this person, but he really could have cared less about me. I tried to make the relationship appear great on social media, but in reality it was HELL. I was cheated on. I was abused. I used to fear for my life. I honestly felt that one day, I would be dead at his hands. I used to be ashamed to talk about being abused because I was always that strong girl. That girl who took nothing from nobody, but I found myself in a relationship where I was being choked, bullied, slammed on the ground, given concussions, etc. I honestly felt I didn’t deserve better. I would make excuses for my then boyfriend and would try to make us seem happy and like a great couple, but that was so far from the truth.
At my lowest point, I had no where to go but to the feet of Jesus, and He showed me my worth. I talk about that more in my post Worth Far More than Rubies. Jesus met me just where I was. I was broken, had low self-worth, and felt undeserving. He redeemed me, restored me, and never left me. Even in my sin, he protected me. I am so grateful for God’s grace and mercy.
I used to find my value in having a man, especially that man, but now I know my value comes from God and God alone and nothing in this world can take it away.
I know I am not the only one who has been in an abusive relationship. I am here to tell you to break the silence. It is becoming more and more prevalent. Share your testimony, it might be just what a person needs to hear to end their situation. And if you are in an abusive relationship right now, I urge you to get out of it. You are worth so much more. You deserve to be treated like royalty. You are worth more than diamonds, pearls, rubies, and everything else. You are precious. This isn’t the best God has for you, I PROMISE!
I love you all!
xoxox Disa F.
Lately, I have been studying a lot about anger and the power of the tongue. I listened to a sermon by Trip Lee on the importance for words. (You can listen here.) What he was speaking really blessed me and encouraged me. I hope it encourages you too!
I am just going to keep it real with y’all. I have had a VERY hard time in the past controlling my tongue. I would be rude (I still can be sometimes, God is not done with me yet), I didn’t take the feelings of others into consideration, I would tear down instead of build up, I would curse and not bless, basically I was mean. In Trip Lee’s sermon, He focused on Matthew 12: 36-37 which states, “And I tell you this, you must give account on judgement day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you” (NLT). This seriously ROCKED me. It was like all the words I had ever spoken that went against everything God is went through my head and I was seriously convicted. I am so thankful to be saved by the grace given to us by the blood of Jesus. If it wasn’t for that, I know heaven wouldn’t be my final destination.
I felt the need to share that because words are spoken with the tongue. I think we fail to realize how powerful our speech can be. We carry LIFE & DEATH in the tongue. How crazy is that?! We have the ability to build up or to tear down. We have the ability to encourage or discourage. We have the ability to bless or curse. We have the ability to speak truth or speak lies. We have all these abilities through our tongue. What has your tongue been doing? Does it cut people like a knife or does it soothe people? Has it caused turmoil in the lives of others or has it provided comfort and support?
These are all questions I have to ask myself. There are so many things I have said to people that I wish I could take back. There are so many “do-overs” I wish I had so that I could speak life into people instead of taking life out of them. The thing with words is, once they come out, they can’t be taken back. The damage is already done.
The Bible says that whatever is in our hearts determines what we say, so its not just about watching our words, its about checking our hearts. What are we feeding ourselves on a daily basis? Are we watching things that glorify tempers and anger? Are we listening to music that makes us want to fight? We must GUARD OUR HEARTS! What goes in determines what comes out. Our words are an accurate reflection of what is in our hearts. I urge you all to check your hearts and to start planting seeds that will produce good fruit.
One area where I see the power of the tongue abused the most is in relationships. (I am so guilty of this). I’ve always known there were power in the words I spoke, but most of the time, instead of using my words for good, I used them for bad especially with my little boyfriends I had. I would manipulate them with my words, I would tear them down, make them feel inferior. Now when I look back on those situations, I realize my heart wasn’t right. I was insecure and was the one who really felt inferior. I was hurt and wanted them to hurt like I was hurting. Instead of building them up and encouraging them, I would nag, complain, and whine.
It wasn’t until I completely surrendered to God that things started to change. God completely changed my heart. He healed me, made me whole, and softened my heart. I am not going to say that I never slip and say something mean, because I do at times. But now when I do slip up and say something mean or rude, I feel convicted. I don’t want to say those types of the things any longer, where as before, it didn’t bother me at all. No one could change that but Jesus. Surrender to Him. I promise you WON’T regret it!
Ladies, I encourage you to build up your brothers in Christ and significant other. Don’t underestimate your influence when it comes to speaking words of encouragement to the men in your life. The world tears them down daily, so we should build them up daily.
Men, I encourage you to build the women in your life up. Many are dealing with insecurities. Don’t add to that. Treat them with the respect they deserve.
I am sure you all are saying, “But Disa, how do I do that? What steps do I need to take?” In a nut shell:
1. You need to pray persistently. Come to God open and honest. Surrender yourself completely to Him. Tests will come, the enemy will attack, so be prepared.
2. You need to read your Bible. The more time you spend in His word, the more you begin to look like Him.
3. You need to surround yourself with brothers and sisters in Christ who are encouraging and supportive and help build you and others up so that you see it in action.
It can be done. I promise. But it can ONLY be done with Jesus. Allow Him to wreck you so He can develop you into the Godly woman or man He has called you to be.
xoxo
Disa 🙂
The word love is a hard word to describe. What better way to describe live than biblically? I love the way 1 Corinthians 13 is broken apart. It is easy to compare to relationships and friendships.
What kind of love do you show and offer to people?I want to give off this type of love to the ones I care about because this is how God loves us.
I will be meditating on this for the rest if the week!
Inspirations by Disa 