Tag Archives: Testimony

Faith Over Fear

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spiritoffear

Can I be honest with you all? I have been struggling a lot with fear lately. 2 Timothy 1:7 has been the scripture I have been holding on to. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

This provides comfort to me. From the recent shootings and terror attacks to old friends dying in car accidents, fear has been tormenting me. Can I not go to the movies, go to church, drive down the street, or hop on an airplane without a high probability of dying?

From the looks of my social media accounts, I am not the only one who is struggling with fear. In my quiet time with the Lord, He reminded me that this type of fear does not come from Him. The enemy wants us to be fearful to live the life God has planned for us. If we are too afraid to drive down the street or hop on a plane, we won’t be effective spreading the Gospel. If we are afraid that a madman may shoot up our churches, we won’t go. The enemy is using fear to prevent Kingdom business from being done.

The Bible says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb & the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). We can overcome fear by taking it to the feet of Jesus and by telling others about what we went through and how we overcame. Oftentimes, we feel ashamed or feel like we shouldn’t share certain things, but the Bible is clear. We have to share our testimonies in order to truly overcome.

So here is a list of few things that have almost crippled me with fear.

  • Pregnancy: Most of you do not know this, but I was told I had abnormal cells in my cervix that looked like cancer and they were growing fast. I had surgery to remove the portion of my cervix that was affected by these cells during the first year of my marriage and everything is great now, but after surgery, my doctor informed me that I may not be able to carry full term because my cervix could open any time because it is weaker now. He also let me know that I will probably never be able to have a vaginal birth. Being pregnant now, of course this is always on my mind. but I have to trust God. No matter what I feel, I know HE is in control. His plans are perfect.
  • Raising a black child in this world: With there seeming to be more and more innocent black people being killed at the hands of cops who are supposed to protect and serve, I am fearful of my child being caught up into something crazy just because the color of his skin. I am fearful of getting a phone call saying that my child died at the hands of a police officer because they “thought” he had a weapon, but he only had a pencil or some candy.
  • Having a husband who is a Police Officer: On the flip side of the bullet point above, my husband is in the final stretch of training to become a police officer. With so many people hating cops and thinking all cops are bad or crooked, I fear for his life. I am scared that some crazy person will kill him just because of his uniform. I lose sleep some nights over this.

These are real fears for me, but when I remember that this world is not my home…that I am only here for a little while, all fear goes out the window. I may have plans and dreams of growing old with my husband, but what if God doesn’t? Do I trust Him any less? Does it make Him a bad Father? I don’t think so. The Bible says, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” (James 4:14). When we remember the real reason we are here, to spread the Gospel & save souls, fear has to go out the window. When we cast our cares upon the Lord, we can’t continue to hold on to the fear. We have to trust God no matter what.

With that being said, if you are reading this and you haven’t accepted Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior of your life, today is the day. Tomorrow is not promised. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9). That’s all it takes. You don’t have to get right first. God makes you right. You don’t have to wait until Sunday morning worship, you may not make it to see Sunday. Your time is right now. Don’t let another day pass you by without making this decision.

My biggest fear is not sharing the Gospel, but keeping the Good News to myself, while people die and go to hell. Choosing Jesus was the best decision I ever made. I can’t force you to choose Him just as He doesn’t force you to choose Him, but I promise you won’t regret it if you do.

Fear tries to overtake your faith. Don’t let it. If you are currently struggling with fear, take it to Jesus. He can and will help you overcome. Trust Him. Faith > Fear.

xoxo
Disa B.

Nothing Wrong With a Little Transparency

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I am a firm believer in being transparent while on this Christian journey. People are often scared to speak about issues they are facing because they feel alone and like no one else is going through what they are going through because we try to come off all perfect. Well let me tell you, I am FAR from perfect. I fail daily. There are days where I let my emotions get the best of me. There are days where I look at the world and am tempted to go back to that lifestyle because it looks fun. There are days when I just want to be selfish and care about no one else but me. I promise that whatever issue you are facing, you are NOT alone. There is someone going through the same thing or something very similar.

The enemy wants us to be silent about our struggles and downfalls. Most of all, he wants us to be silent about our past. He wants us to be ashamed of our pasts and the things we have done. I am here to tell you that we do not need to be ashamed of the mistakes we’ve made Imagebecause God brought us out of them. He met us there. He redeemed us. He didn’t leave us nor forsake us. How amazing is that?! Revelations 12:11 states, “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony…” (NIV). The “him” this scripture is referring to is the devil. The reason he wants to be silent about our testimony is because he knows that if we speak about it, we have overcome. We are no longer bound by shame, guilt, and condemnation.

There is nothing wrong with a little transparency. It helps more than it hurts. I don’t even think it can hurt. Of course there will be some critics, but I have the utmost respect for people who are so open and honest about being delivered from homosexuality, prostitution, gang violence, etc. Don’t let the enemy steal you from your joy by keeping you in bondage. Be free. Overcome by the words of YOUR testimony!

So what about me? I am telling you all to be transparent, so I should be to. When I look back at my past, I see it so differently now than how I saw it while going through it. It’s crazy, I look back at old pics of me partying and appearing to be happy but I see a broken girl who was holding so much hurt and pain. I thank God for His saving grace. For healing me and making Imageme whole! I don’t ever wanna go back. I can’t and I won’t.

The other day, I was looking at photos where I was out in the club partying. I looked happy on the outside but I remember vividly that deep down I wasn’t happy at all on the inside. I had no joy, no peace. I was very much so led by my emotions. I would hit the club and drink heavily to try and escape reality, but when that party was over, when that buzz was gone, reality was there staring me in my face and I was broken. I didn’t realize it then (or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it), but I was completely broken. I had no joy and no peace. But God came in and rescued me. He freed me from all that hurt and pain.I had no place to go but to the cross…to the feet of Jesus and He carried that burden for me. He healed me and made me whole.The smile I have now is different from the smile I had then bc this smile is full of joy and peace. It’s not to cover up brokenness. Even when things are crumbling down around me, my joy remains bc it came from God and only He can take it away.

So why was I broken? During this time, a lot of things were falling apart in my personal life. I was in a relationship where I really cared about this person, but he really could have cared less about me. I tried to make the relationship appear great on social media, but in reality it was HELL. I was cheated on. I was abused. I used to fear for my life. I honestly felt that one day, I would be dead at his hands. I used to be ashamed to talk about being abused because I was always that strong girl. That girl who took nothing from nobody, but I found myself in a relationship where I was being choked, bullied, slammed on the ground, given concussions, etc. I honestly felt I didn’t deserve better. I would make excuses for my then boyfriend and would try to make us seem happy and like a great couple, but that was so far from the truth.

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At my lowest point, I had no where to go but to the feet of Jesus, and He showed me my worth. I talk about that more in my post Worth Far More than Rubies. Jesus met me just where I was. I was broken, had low self-worth, and felt undeserving. He redeemed me, restored me, and never left me. Even in my sin, he protected me. I am so grateful for God’s grace and mercy.

I used to find my value in having a man, especially that man, but now I know my value comes from God and God alone and nothing in this world can take it away.

I know I am not the only one who has been in an abusive relationship. I am here to tell you to break the silence. It is becoming more and more prevalent. Share your testimony, it might be just what a person needs to hear to end their situation. And if you are in an abusive relationship right now, I urge you to get out of it. You are worth so much more. You deserve to be treated like royalty. You are worth more than diamonds, pearls, rubies, and everything else. You are precious. This isn’t the best God has for you, I PROMISE!

I love you all!

xoxox Disa F.