Tag Archives: Wife

Top 3 Things I’ve Learned in 3 Years of Marriage

Posted in Christian, Dating, Marriage, Relationships by

Today is our 3 year anniversary! You can watch our wedding video here! Time truly flies when you’re having fun. We are 2 different people now than we were when we got married at 23 years old and have learned a lot along the way.

I thought it would be fitting to share with you all the top 3 things I’ve learned about marriage in my first 3 years of marriage.

dance

  1. He is FOR me, not AGAINST me! – This took a while for me to grasp because it is so easy to feel like your spouse is your enemy in times of disagreements and arguments. I would get so defensive and my feelings would get so hurt and I would just shut down because who wants to communicate with the “enemy”. My oh so patient husband would always tell me that his intentions aren’t ever to hurt me and that he is one with me so hurting me would be like hurting himself. I don’t know why I couldn’t grasp that at first. Maybe I didn’t believe a man could truly love me like that. Maybe it was due to the abuse I experienced in previous relationships. Maybe it was a combination of all these things (it was). But now when we have disagreements, I know its not the end of the world. I know he’s not going to leave me. I know that he is FOR me.
  2. Comparison can & will kill the joy of your own marriage! – Let me tell you that a sure way to kill the joy and happiness in your own marriage is to compare it to somebody else’s marriage. I would compare my husband and our marriage to these marriages that looked so perfect on social media that I was missing the beauty of what we were creating. I tried to make my husband be someone he wasn’t. That was not fair to him. It killed the joy I had for a season of our marriage because I just wanted our life to look like theirs. I didn’t know the struggles that those marriages may have been facing behind the scenes but on the surface, they looked PERFECT & that is what I wanted. Then God gently reminded me that the enemy comes to steal, kill & destroy and that the enemy was using social media marriages to steal, kill & destroy the joy I had for my own marriage. Now today, I am totally content with MY marriage. I love my portion. Other marriages are great, and I LOVE to see their happy moments and no part of me gets envious anymore (its ALL God).
  3. We are ONE, but we are NOT the SAME! – We went into marriage with a good foundation. We took marriage counseling, went to marriage conferences, and read marriage books, but for some reason, I felt like once we got married, our thought process would magically work the same (I mean we are one after all). Well let me tell you that this was not the case. For one, the process of becoming one is just that…a PROCESS. It doesn’t happen immediately at the altar. Its a pruning process and doesn’t always feel good. But it is so worth every moment of it. Secondly, even though we are one, we are 2 totally different people who grew up in 2 totally different ways and in 2 totally different cultures. How could I expect him to think the way I think? It was very unfair. I had to realize that there is more than one way to get to 4 (you can add 2+2 or 3+1, you can multiply, subtract, or divide) but as long as the end result is 4 then you are correct. Some ways may take longer than others but that is okay. I had to learn that we aren’t doomed because the way we work the equation is different. We aren’t doomed because we think a little differently on some things. It is okay.

If you are struggling in your marriage, I just want you to remember to not abort the process if you want to get to your promise. Marriage is work. It is dying to yourself daily. It is thinking of your spouse above yourself (even if he/she isn’t doing the same). Marriage is not for the faint heart. It is not for punks. Marriage is the ultimate commitment that works when grace is extended often, when offenses are forgiven quickly, and when love is given unconditionally. I am a better woman because of my husband, and he would tell you that he is a better man because of me.

xoxo

Disa B.

Wife After God Review/Recap

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My number 1 goal for this year is to spend time with God everyday and to deepen my relationship with Him. I believe in doing so, I will then draw closer to my husband and be able to be the wife God has called me to be.

ImageI started this year off doing the Wife After God 30 day devotional. This devotional helped me understand how to be the wife God has called me to be. I already knew what he called me to do as a wife, but there were some areas where I struggled with the “how”. How do I be submissive even if I feel my way is better? How do I stay peaceful and patient when he is working my last nerve? How Lord? How?! I will be married for 2 months on February 14. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married. I love being a newlywed. We haven’t struggled with a lot of major things since becoming married, but I am a studier. I am a researcher. I want to be prepared when the storms do hit. I live in Houston and when its hurricane season, we are prepared. I feel that is how marriage should be handled. We don’t need to wait for the storm to get here to prepare…it’s often to late at that point. We must prepare in advance. I could write a whole nother blog about that and I might at some point, but this blog is about my Wife After God 30 day devotional journey.

Prior to getting married, Darien (my husband) and I took a marriage class. It was a class for engaged couples and married couples to make a good marriage/relationship great or a bad marriage/relationship good. I am happy we took the class prior to getting married instead of waiting 5 years when things are going horrible to take the class. That class showed us how to communicate. It showed us how to be on the same team and not be enemies. It showed us so many things that I think we will keep with us forever. While going through the Wife After God devotional, I noticed a lot of similarities between what I learned in our marriage class and what I was learning in the devotional. This devotional was such a great reminder.

Each day in the devotional, there are scriptures to read, a story relating to the scriptures and to marriage and a challenge. There were also journal questions to answer at the end of each day. I absolutely loved that it was interactive and that it allowed God to show me what I needed to work on. This devotional touched on real issues that marriages face daily. It talked about intimacy, and the parts of marriage, praying for your marriage, praying for your husband, praying for yourself, God’s purpose for marriage, and so much more. I would totally recommend this to those who are engaged, happily married, married, divorced, or separated. I promise it won’t disappoint. We often want to blame others for the wrongs that happen in our lives and we often want to blame our spouse for the wrong that has happened in our marriage. This devotional makes you look within and see what it is you can do to change and what you can do to make your marriage better.

While doing this devotional, the author (Jennifer Smith) and tons of other women were doing it at the same time. Jennifer, who is also the founder of UnveiledWife.com, setup a Facebook group for everyone who was interested in doing the devotional and would post questions and youtube videos explaining each devotional each day. The women in this group were so transparent. My heart broke for some marriages and my heart celebrated with other marriages when they triumphed and made breakthroughs in their marriage. I would definitely suggest doing this devotional with other women and discussing the content with them and hold each other accountable.

Now, my favorite part of the devotional was the last day. The final challenge is to write a love letter to your husband or if you aren’t married, to your future husband. Men need affirmation…we all do but men especially. We tend to tell them everything they do wrong and everything they need to work on, but we don’t tell them as often as we should how appreciated they are and how loved they are and how wonderful they are. In the letter, you can spill it all out and make it as creative as you want it to be, as romantic as you want it to be, as quirky as you want it to be….you get to make it your own. This is something I challenge everyone to do. If you are a man, write a letter to your wife or future wife. If you are a woman, write a letter to your husband or future husband. Valentine’s Day is coming up…I am sure that would be a great gift or addition to a gift for your significant other.

This devotional can be bought on Amazon as a paperback or you can purchase the Kindle version. I highly recommend it!

xoxo

Disa Badillo